Everyone has thoughts, but not everyone thinks. You can either react to your thoughts or your can respond to your thoughts by first thinking about them.
In this video, I share the difference between thoughts and thinking, and how you can exercise thinking to change the trajectory of your relationship with yourself and others.
You already know that time is our most valuable resource. You already know that what you do with your time matters. In fact, my life and your life boils down to this question: What did we do with the time we were given.
But did you know that time is also a gift. The gift of time can help you overcome the past and move you towards a better future. Don't miss this one as you head into the new year.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to know beforehand a relationship will last. It would save you a lot of headaches and heartaches. There is no need to waste your time in a relationship that will ultimately fail. In this video, I share with you how you can tell if a relationship will make it or if it is doomed to fail by looking for just 4 things. Now, these 4 things are not weighted equally. I give them in the order of least important to most important. So be sure to listen to the entire video so you do not miss out.
If you like the content, please do subscribe and share.
We also have a website where you can reach out to us and get lots more information on building a healthy relationship: www.relationshipminibooks.com
Are you tired of going on dates that go absolutely nowhere? Are you beginning to wonder whether you will ever connect with that someone and start a relationship?
If you want to be desire to hit your date out of the park, then you need to understand how to add-value to your date in 5 distinct areas.
If you desire to know more and learn how to get it right on your date, this video gives you the basics. I go into much more details in the course: Find, Get, and Keep the Right Person for You, which can be found on our website https://www.relationshipminibooks.com/course/find-get-and-keep-the-right/
Lack of authenticity in communication is both useless and dangerous. It is useless because it does not promote genuine progress. It is dangerous because it can lead to false beliefs that lead to disastrous decision-making. It is your responsibility to promote authenticity in your communication by (1) being authentic even when there is a fear of being rejected (2) creating an environment for people where differences are appreciated and authenticity is celebrated.
Just as with most things, it is easier said than done. In this video, I give a practical tip that can help you promote authenticity.
Please let us know what you think about this video, Are you the one that needs to stop being phony or are you the one that needs to create an environment for people not to be phony.
There is no real communication without vulnerability. There is no real intimacy without vulnerability. Yet, it can be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable because the word itself suggest you are opening up yourself to be hurt.
While it may seem safer to wall yourself up, remember this: The walls you put up will do a good job keeping hurt out of your heart...but it will also do a good job love keeping love out of your heart.
So is it darn if you do, darn if you don't? Not quite! Vulnerability can grow under the right conditions. In this short video, I briefly touch on what is needed for vulnerability to be a part of your relationship.
It's not about how much conversation you are having, it is about how much communicating you are doing.
To communicate at ta deep level , you have the pay a communication tax. By showing that you C.A.R.E, you will find yourself going from just another conversation to having true connection and intimacy with you partner through Vulnerable, Authentic, and Transparent dialogue
Visit our website for more information:
www.relationshipminibooks.com
And please check out our book on Amazon: 101 Relationship Lessons You Need To Learn Before You Marry
Tired of where your relationship is right now? Want your relationships to become better as time goes by? Then you have to get rid of a common and widely accepted excuse. Remember this: Just because you have a valid excuse does not mean the excuse should run your life. Watch this video to find out more.
Be sure to subscribe to our channel and check out the our website:
Ever had a problem that everybody else notices but you? It happened to a great guy, who though seemed to have everything together but just could not move past the first date. Finally, a girl was bold enough to tell him that he had a severe case of bad breath. That girl was truly his friend because she told him something that he probably did not want to hear but needed to hear.
In this video, think of me as your friend. If you stink of insecurity without knowing it, then you are probably driving away a lot of people without knowing it. In this video, I share 4 symptoms of insecurity you need to know. Listen, it is always better to know the truth, make some adjustments, and move on.
If you want peace of mind, you not only have to watch what you say, you also have to watch what you hear. The Bible puts it this way: Do not take everything people say to heart - Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
There you have it! God himself wants you to know that it is perfectly alright for you to practice selective hearing. In this video, you will understand why it is important and how exactly to do it.
"You can't sustain achievement beyond the person you become"
When it comes to having a great relationship, there is no such thing as 'fake it till you make it'. In relationships, there is only 'fake it till you fail'. If you do not want your relationship to fail...No, if you want your relationship to be great, then you have to take the journey to becoming a great person.
Great marriages happen when people choose to take the journey to becoming great people - that means they lay aside all excuses and work on themselves and on their relationship.
This video shares the best way to work on yourself.
What are you looking for in someone you are dating?
While your list may be exhaustive, it is incomplete if it does not have 7 critical things. In the video, I discuss these 7 qualities that the Bible attaches to a person who is truly wise. If you are dating, you are wise to know and understand what these 7 things are...lest you find yourself unwisely hitching yourself to the wrong person.
In historical times when wars were fought with the sword, soldiers would stand back to back to guard each others blind spot in combat. This is where the phrase 'I got your back' hails.
Ladies, there are spiritual enemies, character enemies, behavioral enemies trying to slay your husband. Since you can't fight this battle for him, to have his back means you have to alert him to those enemies when you see them.
No! I don't mean nag him to death. But you can't afford just to stay mute when you know there is an enemy about to take him out and put your relationship to the sword. Ladies, you have to be a helper to your husband by letting him know when danger is around.
Watch this last video of the series How to Influence Him to Be The Best Man He Can Be to start to discover how to do warn him without nagging.
There is a battle that takes place in every relationship when someone misses the mark. That battle is between mercy and judgement. If you want to lose in your relationship, chose judgement more than you chose mercy. But if you like to win in your relationship, choose mercy more than you chose judgement.
Want to find out more, then make sure you watch this second installment of How to Influence Him to Be The Best Man He Can Be. It is down to you convincing him about something every good man secretly yearns from you that will give a massive amount of security.
Believe it or not, the bible charges the woman to convince her man of three things. If you are able to convince him of these things, your relationship change as you start to see your man change.
Perhaps you are one that already knows what these thing are. Perhaps you have been able to decipher it from the words of Jesus. If you are one of the many that has not quite cracked that code, then the next series of videos is for you. Ladies, watch the next 3 videos and apply the principles, then watch your relationship start to soar. Note: For this to yield fruit in your relationship, you just can apply one of the principles. You must apply all three! So make sure you watch all the videos.
If we look how things were at the beginning and why things
changed, we would be able to understand why it seems that men and women are not
equal. This believe has shaped our society, throughout the years women have been
relegated and even now in some places around the world women still need to
fight because of this thought.
As we go deep and understand how God created us and the
purpose behind each one of us, we can will find out how much freedom He
intended us to have. I hope you enjoy this video and let us know what you think
about it.
Love, Rosie is a movie about friends who should have been together a long time ago BUT decided to marry different people (you'll have to watch it to see what happens).
When I get asked, what type of person I should marry, my answer is always the same: Marry Your Friend. In this video, I share why I give that advice and why it is more biblical than you think.
My advice if you are single: Take him/her out of the friend zone and put him/her in the marriage zone. You will understand why after watching this video.
I'm exited to announce the launch of our websitewww.relationshipminibooks.com- a site that has something for singles and married alike and is designed to help relationships thrive and be exceptional. To celebrate and allow you to be part of this project we have prepared a surprise for you.
Just for 1 hour, on Thursday October 3 from 12 pm - 1 pm CST, you can pick up:
“101 No Frills Relationship Lessons You Need to Learn Before You Marry” Kindle edition for only 99 cents, (the regular price is $ 9.99).
Happy Wife Happy Life Right? Not necessarily. It all depends on what makes your wife happy.
What made Mark's wife happy was for him not to smile at female customers who visited his furniture store as she was supremely insecure - a holdover from her ex-husband cheating and leaving her.
There was only one problem. Most guys won't buy furniture their wives don't like & most women won't buy from a person who won't smile and pay attention to them while shopping.
Ultimately, Mark's business suffered because of him trying to make his wife happy. As his business suffered, his self-esteem suffered. As his business closed and his self-confidence plummeted, his wife became financially insecure and no longer respected him. End result, she divorced him.
Moral of the story: There are times when making someone happy will make both your lives miserable in the long run. This video explains how you determine when to make her happy and when you should stand your ground.
No one stands on the alter on their wedding day, thinking "Oh, how wonderful it is to be getting married to someone I won't be able to able stand in a few years. How delightful it is when we can't see eye to eye. How awesome it will be when we hurt each other and get a divorce"
If you did not get married with the intention of getting a divorce, then you should not get a divorce until you are intentional about saving your marriage. If you marriage is lost, the 5 steps here will serve as your compass to getting back on track.
Please share with those that would benefit from this video.
Have you considered that the male and the female are both man (Genesis 1:27). And have you considered that God made woman from the rib of the man so that they are compatible, comparable, and complimentary?
Could it be that when a man says he does not understand a woman, he is really saying he does not understand himself (since the female was formed from the rib of the male)? Could it also be that when a woman says she does not understand a man, she has strayed a bit to far from her real self?
The men and women who believe they are very different will live that difference in their relationship. Those who believe they are alike will find common ground even in their differences.
Should love Hurt? What is your view on the subject: Yes or No! What are your reasons for choosing either yes or no? In this video, we look at what the scriptures have to say about the topic. Note that we are not advocating or condoning any unloving, selfish, or self-serving, thuggish behavior here. The assumption behind this discussion is that real love actually exists in your relationship.
There is one thing you can do to give your relationship the very best chance of succeeding. Unfortunately, too many people avoid this very simple step and so suffer greatly for it. In this video, we share what that simple thing is. We promise you, it is so simple, that even a cave man knows it (sorry cave man)
Our website is: www.relationshipminibooks.com
It you want to see the books mentioned in this video go to amazon.com:
D.E.A.R. Singles: https://www.amazon.com/D-R-Singles-Before-Relationship/dp/1478787708/
101 No Frills Relationship Lessons You Need to Learn Before You Marry: https://www.amazon.com/Frills-Relationship-Lessons-Learn-Before/dp/1951028058/
No one can meet all your needs. In this video, we look at 10 things you need in your relationship that no partner can meet. By expecting these 10 things from your partner, you are setting your relationship up for failure and setting yourself up for disappointment, hurt, and pain.
"You must submit to me woman!" When a man has to say this, it means he is no longer the head. He has switched from the being a leader to becoming a tyrant.
The meaning of submission has been misunderstood and so misapplied. In this video, we debunks the myth and explain the spirit behind the word. This is not your traditional explanation. And this is not to get women away from the word. It is to explain the heart of God behind it.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos and visit our Facebook page #relationshipminibooks for additional content (blogs, videos, etc)
The day has arrived! "101 Relationship Lessons You Need to Learn Before You Mary" is available in Amazon!!
A great book to start your relationship on the right track! If you are single, this is a great book to prepare for a relationship! And if you are already married, it is a great book to learn and reconnect to those keys that will make your relationship great!
While being the head has nothing to do with being a tyrant, bully, or ruler (see Part I), it also does not mean that a man has to be a wimpy pushover who throws his hands up in the air and just watches as life happens and anything goes.
As the head, a man must exercise authority and power in the right dimension. This video addresses the two dimensions in which IF a man exercises authority and power, he will likely become captivating to his wife in the long run (so long as his wife's heart is open).
First I want to begin with the book 101 NO FRILLS RELATIONSHIP LESSONS YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU MARRY. This book, written by Emmanuel Ogunjumo offers sage advice for anyone in a relationship and planning to get married. This is the best book with advice for brides. I take that back. Anyone in a relationship should read this book. I highly recommend it. It is available for pre-order right now on Amazon.
Did God make a mistake when he made the man head of his wife? Is it really fair to the wife? Does it mean that the man is entitled to do whatever he wants and the wife is entrapped regardless of what the man does?
A misunderstand of what it means to be the head in the context of human relationships has led to its misapplication - leading to abuse, ungodly, and unsavory relationships.
This video answers the question and demystifies what it truly means. You might very well be surprised by the answers to these questions.
Burger King used the slogan ‘Have it Your Way’ to advertise its business for 40-years until 2014 when it scrapped it for a new slogan ‘Be Your Way’.
As you can see, the words ‘Your Way’ are common to both slogans. Regardless of which slogan resonates with you, the message from Burger King is clear:It Is All About You. While this message may be good for selling burgers, I caution you about using this tagline for the way you choose to lead your life.
When life becomes all about you, your world becomes smaller. As your world becomes smaller, it becomes more difficult to see beyond yourself. When you can’t see beyond yourself, you lose the ability to understand and empathize with other people. The moment you start to lose the ability to understand and empathize is the moment you start to drive a wedge between you and other people. When you drive a wedge between you and other people, you will start to live a separated and isolated life.
If you have to have it all your way in life, then you won’t have much of a life
Consider the words of King Solomon:A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment (Proverbs 18:1).Another way of saying it is this: If you are only looking out for what you desire, you will end up isolating yourself. And if you isolate yourself, you are not wise.
If you isolate yourself, what will happen when you need help? Who will be there to lift you up when you are down? If you isolate yourself, you are more likely to open yourself to crazy thoughts and believe them. Who will warn you that your ideas are crazy? If you isolate yourself, who will promote you at work? Who will want to work with you? If you isolate yourself, you are more likely to feel lonely and depressed!
If life is all about you, you will end up by yourself in life
I once counseled a man who failed to realize his marriage was not about him. He told me he was perfectly content with how things were going in his marriage. He said he did not understand why his wife was so unhappy at the onset of their marriage. He said he was shocked when his wife asked for a divorce after five years of marriage.
When I asked him why he did not seek help when they first started having issues, he told me he was happy and so saw no reason why he should have wasted money seeking help. He thought she would come around! He was wrong both about her and the money. She did not come around. And now he is spending more money in alimony and child support payments than he ever imagined! He did not think his attitude would cause him to lose his family!
If you are wise, you will learn from this man and learn from King Solomon. Make life about others and not solely about you. Here is how Jesus puts it: Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.
While it is okay to think of yourself, you shouldn’t forget to think of others
Bear with me for a second and imagine that you are about to buy a used car. Before signing on the dotted line, you would request the diagnostics on the car. You’d take the car for a ride to see how it drives — paying attention to its feel, listening for any weird sounds, and checking all the features to ensure that everything works right. You might even get an experienced mechanic to examine the car and give you their professional opinion.
You go through all this trouble because you don’t want to buy an unreliable car that becomes a money pit! You know it is a substantial investment and you want to know exactly what you are getting. You want to make sure you are getting your money’s worth.
While buying a used car can be a risky investment, the investment risk is small compared to the risk we take when choosing which relationships we should invest in.
If you invest in a bad car, outside of your pride, the only thing that takes a hit is your financial standing. If you invest in a bad relationship, especially if it turns out to be a marriage relationship, your entire future may be in jeopardy. Yet, too many of us treat the decision of whom to enter into a relationship with as something that is trivial, compared to the due diligence we give to deciding whether to buy a car.
Our lack of due diligence is NOT due to a lack of concern. Rather, any concern we have is often overwhelmed by the emotional tidal wave that accompanies the prospect of getting what we desire — the desire to be in a committed relationship. While this emotional wave produces butterflies and feelings of happiness, it can blind us to glaring red flags. It can cause us to overlook and excuse away foundational problems that require fixing.
Choosing to ignore foundational problems when choosing whether to commit to a relationship is like choosing to ignore a used car’s check engine light and instead choosing to focus on how pretty the paint job looks on the car.
If you are going to give yourself the best chance of making the best decision relationship decision, there are 3 things you must do while dating.
No one is perfect! Everyone has issues! If you are not talking about the ugly stuff, the ugly stuff will talk to you when it shows up later in your marriage.
Analogous to diagnosing a car to see what is wrong before you buy it, you need to look at what is wrong and understand what you have to deal with in your relationship.
You want to go into your marriage with your eyes wide open
If you do not know for sure what you are dealing with, then it is likely that many things will surprise and disappoint you. You will feel as if your partner was dishonest with you and sold you on a lie. And you are more likely to want to bail out when in the truth comes out in those early days.
But if you know what you are facing, you can make a quality decision. You can place boundaries on your relationship to prevent the ugly from coming out. You will be better prepared for the ugly when it does come out.
Example: When Jack told Lori that he struggles with porn from time to time, they spoke about it and decided that he needed to install covenant eyes while they seek out help for him.
When you know what is not right before hand, you can make a plan to deal with it.
BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE
When buying a used car, there comes a point when you have to make a decision about whether you can handle the maintenance cost! The same is true of relationships. There is maintenance work required for any relationship not to break down. You have to decide whether you can handle it.
If you know that you cannot afford the maintenance of your relationship, it is better not to commit to the relationship.
There are two key questions to consider when thinking of relationship maintenance: (1) Is the problem causing the maintenance of a chronic issue? (2) Do you have the spiritual strength, mental energy, and emotional capital to deal with the problem?
If you know you do not want to continue spending emotional capital to fix an unending issue, then be honest with yourself and end the relationship before it gets really serious. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you get bitter because things don’t get better.
Example: When Samantha realized she could not handle Blake’s addiction, she decided to call it quits though she cared for him deeply.
ALLOW SOMEONE YOU TRUST TO EVALUATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
When in the throes of emotional energy in a relationship, we tend to magnify the positives and minimize the negatives. I can’t illustrate this point any better than my friend did a few weeks ago. He said to me “When I first got married, I wondered why I did not marry her sooner. Now I wonder why I married her at all.”
Before you commit to marriage, do yourself a favor and invite a wise objective person to speak into your life. Be sure to tell them the good, the bad, and the ugly. Also, be honest with yourself and let them know what you can handle and what you can’t handle. Then open your heart to receive what this person has to say and truly consider it.
This is like inviting an expert mechanic to see if this car you want to buy is a right for you.
Example: Kim and Tyler went to a counselor with an open mind to get his take on their relationship. After four sessions, they realized they still had a lot of work today. So, they decided to put their engagement on hold and work through the resources the counselor gave them. Because they put in the work, they now have a successful marriage.
It is better to wait and get it right, than rush in and get it wrong
Do not awaken love until the time is right — King Solomon
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
3 Simple Ways to Know if Your Man Really Loves You
I recently met a woman by the name of Renee (not her real name) who divorced her husband after a few months of marriage. Though she said that she was over the relationship, the pain and hurt she still felt came through loud and clear as she spoke of their relationship. Her words were saying one thing but her heart was revealing quite another. When I asked if she saw any sign’s of trouble prior to the marriage, she said no. She said to me,Emmanuel, it is as if he changed into a completely different person. He said all the right words and did all the right things before we got married. I thought he truly loved me.
The statement,I thought he truly loved me, hit me hard like a swift punch to the solar plexus! They were the same words that an ex had spoken to me when we broke up many moons ago (my fault for the record). After a few moments of silence, I was able to say to her: Love is more than a feeling, is not confirmed by words, and it reaches beyond the boundary of actions. Love gives but expects nothing in return. Just because an action reflects love does not mean the action comes from a heart of love. The heart of love gives and expects nothing back in return. The heart of fear always wants something in return, but there is no fear in love! Did he marry you because he truly loved you or because you were great to him, filled a hole in him, and he was afraid of losing you?
She repliedI liked that I meant something to him (filled a hole in him) and that he wanted to keep me! What is wrong with that?I said,I do not know your full situation, but could it be that his affection towards you was triggered only by what you could do for him? His shower of love towards you and his sacrifice, was it because you met his needs? Though it seemed all about you, was it truly all about him?As she pondered the questions, I continued,it is not the what that matters most, it is the why that matters most!
She said,what are the reasons a man should love me?I replied, let us see why Jesus loved us and gave himself for us:
Ephesians 5: 25 -29:Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,27 andto present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all,no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.
He wants you to be one with him in the Lord
A man who loves you continually works to strengthen the cord of love that exists between you and him. He does this by growing his relationship with the Lord and being a spiritual leader of the household. He understands that there is no way both of you can walk in agreement with each other unless you make Jesus the center of your lives. So he initiates open and honest conversation. He asks you to do nothing that is contrary to the way of the Lord and does not even put you in those situations. You are praying and seeking God together with the kind of man.
He wants you to be the best you can be
A man who loves you is one who wants you to walk in the purpose to which God has called you. He wants you to be the best that you can be. And he walks foreign lands if he has to! He wants you to live a significant life and makes you priority.A man who loves you will meet you where you are and will always strive to get you to a better place.Think of the Samaritan woman who drank of the water of the words of Jesus. She instantly turned from an insignificant harlot who probably avoided people out of shame, to an outspoken evangelist. She went from being an outcast to someone who helped bring her entire village to the knowledge of God. That is what a man who loves does! He desires to help you reach higher spiritually, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, financially etc.
He wants you to fulfill your destiny
Just as Jesus wants us to wear a crown of glory when we get into heaven, a man who loves you will desire that you win the prize in your race of life; that you cross the finish line and fulfill your destiny. This means thathe is sensitive to your needs and chooses for you to be his first priority. He considers your destiny in the decisions that he is making. Nothing is done selfishly. He wants to shine the spotlight on you so that you can receive honor. He is not one to want the limelight for himself. This is a man who is not jealous of your accomplishments and does not become insecure in your glory. He asks about your goals and dreams and supports you. He is your number one cheerleader.
Food for Thought: A man who loves you feeds you and cares for you in every way
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Burger King used the slogan ‘Have it Your Way’ to advertise its business for 40-years until 2014 when it scrapped it for a new slogan ‘Be Your Way’.
Bear with me for a second and imagine that you are about to buy a used car. Before signing on the dotted line, you would request the diagnostics on the car. You’d take the car for a ride to see how it drives — paying attention to its feel, listening for any weird sounds, and checking all the features to ensure that everything works right. You might even get an experienced mechanic to examine the car and give you their professional opinion.
